Monday, December 31, 2012

The first time...

Okay.  It is New Year's Eve Day, the last day of 2012.  I've been wanting to create this blog for quite a while now, but, like so many things, beginning is perhaps the most difficult part.  I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, as far as the technical aspect of blogspot, so there will surely be many changes until I figure it all out.

First, an introduction: I am a male, living in New York City.  I am a professional singer, actor, and dancer (ballet, tap, jazz, ballroom...), but, despite popular assumption, I am completely straight.  I normally don't bother to tell anyone who doesn't bother to ask, but this blog will discuss sexuality--my past, present, and future--so I feel it's important to get this out in the open right away.  Any gentlemen reading this who are hoping for something else, feel free to disconnect now.  I am not "confused", "undecided", nor ignorant of this aspect of myself--I will undoubtedly discuss this in more depth at various times.  For now, you will just have to take my word for it (this sounds like a tirade--sorry--but you'd be surprised how difficult this whole issue can become for me; from costing me friendships to costing me jobs).

Most importantly, I have an inherent and deep fascination--infatuation--with spanking, which will be the main focus of this blog.

While trying to collect my thoughts enough to begin this blog, at times I toyed with beginning with the statement, "I need a spanking."  The truth, however, is more accurately phrased, "I need spanking."

Until fairly recently, I have naturally fallen under the category of "Top".  I have been with a number of girls who I spanked, almost exclusively as sexual play.  I have a deep adoration for the female body--especially the female bottom.  This has been the case my entire life; I never had that "I don't like girls" phase boys usually have.  I was enamored by the girls as long as I can remember.  I have also had this "fetish" for spanking since I was very young.  I truthfully do not know why.  I was spanked as a child, and feared it greatly, never remotely enjoying any aspect of it, yet the idea of spanking turned me on.  I don't remember when I first noticed, but I do remember when it solidified for me:

My older brother and I used to walk to "the corner store"--a small store exactly a mile from our house on the ranch--to eat lunch.  My brother, using me as distraction, would steal the porno magazines for us to explore later.  In one such magazine, when I was probably 8 or 9 years old, I recall finding a posed picture that turned me on greatly: a girl in a schoolgirl outfit (obviously fully grown) with a raised skirt was lying over the lap of a nun (obviously of similar age herself), who was raising a paddle in the air, poised for an imminent strike to the pantied bottom.  I showed my brother the photo, and told him that I was turned on by it--he laughed and ridiculed me.  This instilled, as you may imagine, low self-esteem, to the point of self-loathing, from fear of my natural impulses.  That stayed with me for many years.

I kept this a secret, through numerous girlfriends, including my first couple of sexual relationships, until finally, after my first year of college, a friend opened my eyes to the idea that there was nothing wrong with me.  This girl had told me about how she and her fiancee indulged in bondage.  For her it was a response to having been raped--she found sexual satisfaction in either being under someone else's control who she trusted, in a safe environment, or having him under her control.  To help me realize that I was not alone in my "odd" sexual craving for spanking, she gave me a copy of "Penthouse Forum" that she had, which had a few stories of spanking.  This opened a whole new world for me...

I've definitely gotten ahead of myself.  I have so much to say, I could probably continue writing all night, but I've got a New Year's Eve party to attend.  I didn't give much of an introduction, but I will intermix aspects of myself and my history as I relate stories--my true experiences as I remember them, perhaps some fiction, definitely some photos (I'm an avid amateur photographer), and likely many vanilla topics as well (thus the "Profundity" part of the blog's title).

I am always open to questions--I believe in honesty: don't ask if you do not truly wish to know the answer--with only a couple of exceptions, that I will discuss at a later time.

Until next time,
Happy New Year!

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